I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
