The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
