This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
