i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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