I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
