She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize