Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
