speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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