I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
