We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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