CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
