I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
