I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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