I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
