On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
