I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
