It's like God shit irony all over that family
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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