i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
