idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
