Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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