Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
