Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
