apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Banned from zoo.
Again?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
