What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
