Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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