I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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