I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
