Just fell off a train. Bad.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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