So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
