My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
