..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
