Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You smell like stripper and shame
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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