I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
