hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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