you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I need water and some morals
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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