I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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