it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
