Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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