You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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