I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I have aggressive nipples.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
