I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Randomize
