I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
