Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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