She's JV to your varsity
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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