remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
