I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
