p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
