well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
