I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
