if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
