My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
