Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
