Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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