I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
