I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
