i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Help. Why am I so naked?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
