ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
