so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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