im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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