Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
