I could have mohawked her pubes.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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