I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
