If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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