so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
