he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
