One girl and one boy is just not enough.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize