my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
