Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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