I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
