foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
