fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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