my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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