I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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