Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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