You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
